Guacachip Supermachine*

[We two girls of Doublentente have finally taken a break from watching Lost and self-diagnosing our assorted ailments on WebMD (did you know a sty is essentially an eyelid pimple?) to write another entry. Our apologies for the delay. Of course, in our long hiatus, Lauren Graham was robbed of her last chance to win any award for portraying Lorelai Gilmore when snubbed during the most recent round of Golden Globes nominations.We desperately hope karma somehow bites the nominee committee members in their asses, hopefully in literal methods involving asps and cockroaches.]


Recently, we've noticed a few fictional foodstuffs featured in older television series that, while reviled or questioned on their respective programs, were later created and distributed in the real world. Perhaps 80s and 90s sitcoms were ahead of their time in the food department, or maybe food manufacturers were really hurting for ideas and turned to NickAtNite. This relationship between two of our favorite things (snacks and TV), of course, needed further exploration. We decided to launch an occasional series here at Doublentente, in which we document TV shows featuring fictional food that eventually made it to market.

Guacamunchies

Who's the Boss? episode: "Custody [Parts 1 and 2]" aired: November 5 and 12, 1985

We're two girls who like our guacamole. How convenient would it be to procure chips with guacamole already on them? In a two-parter (!) series on the cheesy Danza show, our attention was caught not by the drama surrounding custody of Angela's son Jonathan, but by Angela's announcement about her recently-acquired account early in part one: "Guess what? I got Guacamunchies!"

Sam and Tony's reactions, however, were less than enthusiastic:

Sam: Angela, you got a fresh bag? These are green.
Tony: Eeegh.
Angela: They're supposed to be green. They're avocado flavored: guacamole and chips in one convenient bag.

We're with Angela on this one. Any chip advances that shorten bag-to-mouth time are A-okay by us. What's Tony and Sam's problem?

IF
guacamole=good
AND
chips=good,
THEN
Guacamunchies (guacamole + chips) therefore, must be at least > good.

But hark! Our longing for chips coated in guacamole-reminiscent powder is not in vain! Doritos had/has a Guacamole! flavor option (which may or may not be discontinued...? [Warning:the first web page has quite the irritating sound file]). By kicking our lazy asses into gear and doing a little more research (actually visiting the Doritos website ), we found Guacamole!--yes, the official name includes the exclamation point--absent from their list of current flavors. Oh noes! What's an avocado-loving girl to do? (One option: stare at the Doritos website's "Flavor Lab," where bags of differently-flavored Doritos float angelically around what appears to be a giant glass column of beer, and a Doritos employee randomly speeds by on a Segway. We wonder what chip-related emergency she's rushing off to. We're sorry, random Doritos girl, but the only person capable of pulling off Segway use is one Niles Crane.)

Despite the irritating punctuation and spelling choices made in the guacamole chip industry (it's not limited to exclamation points--read on, and oh, you will see), there are still other options. A California-based snack purveyor, Snak King (No C?), also carries their own line of guac-dusted chips, El Sabroso Guacachips. These we know, based on personal research facilitated by work-adjacent vending machines, are still manufactured. Unfortunately, they still seem a little hard to find. But according to the Snak King website, Rachel Ray has endorsed them; hopefully her wide-grinned recommendation may lead to greater distribution (instead of the ruination one might expect after her endorsement). In addition, Amazon.com now carries them, if you're interested in ordering them in 60-packs. (Thanks, Amazon! Now we can order Freaks & Geeks and our junk food of choice without the hassle of opening a new browser window!)

Additionally, while taking a break from conducting important chip research to go grocery shopping last weekend, I stumbled across a wonderfully green discovery at Meijer: Krunchers! Guacamole flavored tortilla chips. (Another exclamation point. Those in the chip biz must be really excited about their products.) Krunchers!, best known for the thick-cut potato chips served at Panera (which are just "natural" enough for me to not feel too bad about not getting the apple instead), is also in the business of delivering guacamole goodness in chip form. However, we can't seem to find them on the website for Jays Foods Inc., the company that manufactures Krunchers! (Irritating exclamation point, and now no apostrophe in "Jays?" Aaargh! Is the company named after blue jays?) Jays is an Illinois company, and they don't distribute outside of a handful of Midwestern states. (Sucks to be you, Florida!) Jays links to an online store, MyBrands, that supposedly sells their products, but Jays is not on their list of manufacturers, and a search for Krunchers! brings up... squat. But hurrah, Walgreens sells them in large bags.

One note: unlike the Snak King Guacachips, Krunchers! does not have avocado on their ingredient list. (Maybe they're covered under "artificial flavor?" Shudder.) Still, we hear that after a long day at work, Krunchers! make an excellent dinner with salsa, sour cream and sangria-flavored pop. It's probably even better with real sangria. We hear.

Okay, so a shortish run at Doritos and distribution by a couple regional snack food manufacturers aren't huge successes for Angela Bower's green chips, but if other Bower-related successes are any indication, then there's hope for Guacachips. See: Judith Light's brilliant turn as Claire Meade on Ugly Betty. Highlights include pushing Wilhelmina (Vanessa Williams) into a grave, as well as the oft-quoted (at least here in Doublentente-ville) "That's not the boob you think it is," delivered with the perfect amount of droll disdain. For reals, readers, have you seen Who's the Boss? After the age of eight? I mean, we (well, one of us at least) recognized that the show scaled new altitudes of horrid even at that young age. (The other one of us, who will remain nameless, developed a tiny crush on Tony Danza. Shut up! He was... cute? Funny? Really, I have no excuse.) The only requirement for getting a part on WtB? was apparently a conscious state. Anyway, after the cheesy lines Judith Light spewed on that show, it's quite a shock to see her talent exhibited on Ugly Betty. So if the gods of television saw fit to grant her new-found acting talent (or, to be more fair to Ms. Light, an environment in which she can properly use the talent she always had), perhaps the snack food gods can sprinkle magic fairy/guacamole dust on our beloved, violently green chips and rocket them to nationwide success. If you find guacamunchies at a local store, let us know!

Rockin' it guaca style,
Steph & Sara

P.S. Next up: muffin tops a lá Seinfeld!

*During our multiple emails discussing this post, Gmail spell check underlined "Guacachips;" their suggested word is "Supermachine." How are these two words remotely similar? Does Gmail know something we don't? Are guacachips the Antichrist?