Dear Lauren Graham,
We were so sorry to hear about your seventh Emmy snub. (And the role in a movie about windshield wipers. We adore you, but Lauren... windshield wipers? We admit we're a little confused.) Our only conclusion is that the world is not yet ready for your awesomeness. Let us console you with a boozy anti-Emmy party and a role in the brilliant movie we are writing. It will co-star David Hyde Pierce! (Pending negotiations with his agent.) Oh Lauren Graham. Why does the world not appreciate you properly?
Lauren, you are a goddess. You are an anomaly—an actress who can ACT. The times that you have broken our cynical hearts with a simple facial expression are too many. You act circles around most television stars and yet, are unrewarded. Injustice! We remain convinced that if "Gilmore Girls" had aired on NBC, CBS or ABC, your nominations would be myriad. But alas, the CW (née WB) insisted on being a mélange of shows that needed to be charged with reckless endangerment (see "7th Heaven"), productions seemingly built solely on (admittedly fantastic) homoerotic sexual tension ("Smallville"), and the rare brilliant offering ("Gilmore Girls," "Veronica Mars") that was all too often drowned out by the putrescence. I’m sure somewhere in this Brenda Hampton is at fault.
While you are still without the statuette—nay, even a nomin
ation—the list of craptresses who do possess said Emmy include Debra Messing, Patricia Heaton, and Jennifer Aniston. And heck, even most of those desperate housewives (does anybody watch that show any more?) got nominations. The mental images of Emmy statuettes occupying these women's bookshelves are filed under “Things that make us vomit.”
Oh, Lauren. We had high hopes for you this year. With our beloved "Gilmore Girls" going off the air we figured the Academy would at least give you the nomination as a nod to the culmination of the show, if they insisted on ignoring your talent. But no. Turns out there were just too many Seattle Grace interns.
As a result of this and the pestilence of Ryan Seacrest as awards host, we have decided to drown our television-loving sorrows in appletinis and homemade cookie-dough ice cream on September 16th. Lauren, won’t you join us? Please invite Kelly Bishop too, as we feel that she was also ignored for seven years. Vengeance shall be ours.
Our anti-Emmy slumber party will be magnificent. Once appropriately juiced, we will tune into Fox (The hell? How did Fox win that lottery?) and begin our night of raving bitchery. Wearing footie pajamas, we will French braid our hair, drink still more appletinis through Twizzler straws, laugh hysterically when our nacho cheese falls on the carpet, heckle the Academy, and implore the television oracle that Seacrest will come out on the air.
Even if you can't make it, we shall clink our glasses together in your honor as the nominees for Best Leading Actress in a Comedy are announced. Our fingers are crossed for the Golden Globes!
With love,
Sara and Steph
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